My story
When I was in youth group during our Sunday night church service
I would look up at the stained glass window 'light of the world"
which our Pastor often preached on:
- Jesus the King
- Jesus holding the lamp lighting the path to walk
- Jesus knocking on the door of our hearts for us to open from the inside
- After writing Christian recovery models, I began to realise what an inspiration this window and my humble Pastor's Preaching had been to me.
I recall asking Jesus Christ to come into my heart as I looked at that window
but there was some internal barrier
( my memories of csa were locked away behind that barrier)
and felt Jesus had come into the foyer of my heart and we were having coffee.
I loved His presence but longed for him to come into all of my heart.
For years that rolled into decades I prayed, I searched for the keys to open the door
then slowly memories were triggered and surfaced during counselling.
When csa memories were released I invited Him to
- Shine His light into the dark places
- Wash and cleanse these places
- Come into my heart
- Restore my soul.
It is my prayer that the scriptures and grace of God will minister to you as much as to me.
It is a different approach from "Menu 8" steps of recovery
which the Lord showed me in answer to prayer in 1999 / 2000,
where the main concepts were:
- overcoming denial
- renouncing the abuse
- and the need to remove the sword of abuse
- ( I am still praying how this can be done
- because if a sword is removed without
- surgury to stitch up the severed parts
- one can bleed to death.
- one can only pray for God Himself
- to remove it and heal the damaged parts
- seriously - it needs a miracle
- and for someone to research and develop the process)
- in the meantime let us be aware there is a sword
- that it hurts
- that we can function around it.
Another attempt at writing steps of recovery was
Seven Steps to recovery from csa or asa .
In fact "Men Opening Hearts to Jesus" was launched in 2010
I came to the place of wanting to write a Christian Perspective
of recovery from childhood abuse / trauma.
to develop a ministry based on Jesus comming into our hearts
based on my conviction that Jesus is our answer.
I this context of trusting Jesus Christ
I concurrently had counselling
and found sexual assault and trauma release counsellors helpful.
I also had remedial massage and related treatment eg bio feedback.
I also used trauma release techniques such as shaking my hands and / or feet
tapping EDMR etc. see http://www.detraumatisation.com/
in other words I have prayed for recovery in an interdisciplinary approach.
Men opening Hearts To Jesus applies scriptural principles prayerfully.
The site has grown out of my own journey.
Survivors have huge variation in needs, recovery and inner resources.
There is a massive variation in how Christians understand Christianity
within the basic trust in Jesus Christ for redemption.
It is my prayer that this site may be of some assistance to male survivors.
My secular site is http://www.aussiesurvivors.com/
I hope in God. Hoping in God is my antidote to despair
and abondonment.
As I pray and trust in God I reach out for help from survivor services.
Helplines vary from country to country
but www.1in6.org has information and links
The basic concept of Men Opening Hearts To Jesus is that Jesus Christ knocks at the door
of our broken wounded and and aching hearts
inviting us to take down the walls of shame and pain of csa..
My Personal Experience
is that I felt Jesus knocking at the door to my heart
particularly parts I had locked away during and immediatly after csa
at several points in my life:
- In Sunday School when we sang "Jesus loves me" I warmed to His love
- but felt deep down I wasn't being reached.
- In my late teens in my home church I would stare up at the picture of
- Jesus knocking at the door of my heart, asking Him to come in
- as our minister explained the handle is on the inside
- I was unaware that I had locked doors,
- locking away painful memories.
- Decades later I was in a Thursday Morning Men's Meeting
- the Lord Jesus
- showed me a picture of a steel door,
- a brick wall in my heart
- I opened the door and tore down the wall.
- Likewise after my mother disclosed the monsters access
- and I recalled the pain and violation of csa
- He showed me more walls,
- more areas of my heart locked away
- I opened up my heart and asked Him to come in,
- to clean out my heart of the csa toxins and reside in my heart.
- I needed Jesus love for me to cast out the residual fear from csa..
I was in my late fifties when my mother finally disclosed who "minded" me
when I was but an infant.
What she described from her recollections
triggered a release of painful and shameful memories of events
during my infant years
I knew that much had been locked away behind closed doors and thick walls
i inside my heart. Places that needed to be washed and cleansed,
least opening the door would flood my soul with toxins.
It's so important for Jesus Christ to be Lord of our lives
to be asking Him to send the Spirit of the living God to comfort us
to convict us of post csa sin which would otherwise complicate our recovery.
Even though I was working through recovery issues in secular forums
as the men surviving abuse shared insights into recovery ,
and answered many of my questions
the Lord spoke to me
showed me visions of my doors and walls
once again He was knocking at the door of my heart.
as I opened up to Him He came in
and He restored more of my heart and soul.
this ministry is for men who are willing
to reach out to Jesus Christ
to receive His strength in our weakness.
Men who are opening our hearts to Jesus
of course there are other helpful ministries
such as "Healing Broken Men"
"Men Opening our Hearts to Jesus Christ is a ministry
to Christian Men
and God fearing men,
committed or willing to exercise faith in Christ
for healing from csa (child sexual abuse)
or emotional or physical or sexual abuse during our lives,
weather adult survivors of child abuse
or adult survivors of abuse during adulthood.
A related issue is the grief of sons left fatherless
or in effect fatherless.
As we see in Genesis Chapter 1 at creation
and throughout scripture
It is God's plan for a child to be loved, nurtured,
to thrive, to grow.
but for some of us,
our childhood was disrupted by abuse,
( physical, emotional and/ or sexual (csa) abuse )
some of us experienced neglect.
some of us were betrayed
Some of us rose to the occasion to achieve our goals
our education, our career, our marriage and family.
whilst friends and aquaintences along the way
commented on our inadequacies
we noticed chinks in our armor
finally we come to the point ( when the pain exceeded the shame)
( most men overcome denial of csa between 35 - 55 years old)
of seeing we needed to face some inner issues
for some of us God Himself was searching our hearts
showing the walls.
Jesus Christ Himself is knocking
it was / is time to tear down the walls
and let him in.
"God Restoring Men's Lives"
as written to share my faith in God who restores our lives.
Comfort
Comfort .is a major theme in scripture.
We who were abused, wounded, abondonded are in need of comfort.
Later I saw the need for detraumatisation. and wrote the site
In setting up Men Opening Hearts To Jesus
it is my prayer that this site will resource men recovering from
abuse and or neglect during childhood
by opening the doors to our heart
and taking down the walls in a safe place
in the presence of God
and invite Jesus Christ in to facilitate our recovery.
He is my answer
He heals my pain
He breaks the power of negative words
He restores my soul
He breaks the chains that were put there during csa.
His truth sets me free
there is freedom in Christ
His love removed fear
He heals my broken heart ( Isaiah Chapter 61 )
He comforts us. ( Isaiah 40 verse 1 )
It is my concern that western churches are locked into a theology of sin
based rightly on calling sinners to repent
and to renounce sin and find forgiveness.
which is a legitimate ministry in fact a Biblical imperative.
I am in the process of prayerfully writing a theology for a ministry
to those of us who were sinned against.
As I starting point I would suggest:
the parable of the Good Samaritan
and the parable of the lost sheep.
In neither case did Jesus blame the victim / survivor.
nor did He require the innocent victim to forgive.
In both cases someone showed love, mercy and
practical expressions of concern.
A related issue is s that of fatherlessness.
see article on the traumatic effects of fatherlessness.
another site which may assist survivors of incest
and it has 12 steps to follow for survivors.
One of our aims in recovery ( for married men with kids)
ought to be to be loving husbands and nurturing fathers.
The Fatherhood Foundation seeks to affirm fathers
and our place to be there for our kids.
For fourteen years I have been
praying for a fulfillment of Isaiah Chapter 61 from a place of prayer.
I have personally experienced the Lord healing my broken heart
and setting me free.
see also my prayer for a fulfillment of Isaiah 61.
During the last few years there has been
an increase in resources for Men recovering from csa -
books,
web sites
on line forums,
and ministries
My site Detraumatisation
was written to provide information about trauma release
which I found to be a helpful componant of my recovery
the link to the pages for survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
I am planning new pages to assist survivors of other traumatic events
- Returned soldiers
- Car accidents
- Natural desasters
- robbery / physical assult
In the meantime the general principles may be of assistance
as most of the scriptures applied here are transferrable
for survivors of other traumatic events.
For example:
- Perfect love casts out fear ( 1 John Chapter 4 verse 18 )
- He restores my soul ( Psalm 23)
- His light shines in the darkness ( John Chapter 1)
- He "heals the broken hearted and sets the captives free" Isaiah 61.
I truely believe that Jesus Christ is the answer
and that He shows us answers
as we prayerfully seek His help and guidence
as we search the scriptures
as we seek wise counsel
as we search out a matter
Yes I do see counsellors and other professionals
Yes I do find God speaks to me during the Pastor's messages on Sunday
Yes I do do Google searches to research matters as they arise
Yes I do read books and read Professional Journals when I can.
The scriptures are words of life
God's revealed truth because He is all knowing
May God bless you and keep you.
It's a journey
not simplistic - often quite complex
not instantaneous ( though some are blessed with miricles)
but gradual requiring preparation, patience and endurance.
May God give us courage and strength.
He uses adversity to build our character.
survivors often become more compassionate towards others
caring and looking out for others.
Hurt people need first aid - back to the Parable of the Good Samaritain.
God bless you.
Men Opening Hearts to Jesus Links
- Wisdom and Understanding.
- Discipleship for survivors.
- Other Links
Recovery from sexual abuse Sunday.
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